if you have anxiety and you do a thing like get out of bed or call your mom back or go to the grocery store or go take that exam or give a presentation i’m really proud of you and if you don’t do that stuff i’m still super proud of you for existing!!!!
You have inherent worth. You don’t have to do anything to prove it, just existing is enough.
You deserve love, support and respect all the time. Not just when you did something particularly agreeable, not just when the person is in a good mood or physically and mentally well or is treated by others respectfully; you deserve to be treated well ALL THE TIME.
You deserve to freely express your emotions and speak your own realities without fear of retaliation or shame.
You deserve to be able to tell someone why you don’t like how they’re treating you and a) not fear retaliation, intimidation, violence or emotional manipulation because of it, and b) actually have that person listen, take it to heart, and then change their behavior accordingly.
You deserve autonomy over yourself. You deserve to think, feel, say, wear, do, and associate with what or whomever you want without any outside pressure or control. [Clearly you aren’t free to infring on the rights of others or treat them oppressively, but pretty much everything else is up to you and your best judgement.]
You deserve to put yourself first. You deserve to have your life be about you. Everyone else can come after.
You deserve space when you need space.
You deserve to reach out to whoever you want for support.
Your emotions and experiences are valid.
You are important.
You deserve to defend yourself and fight tooth and nail to ensure that the above points are acknowledged and respected.
You deserve to to have your body, identity, beliefs, history, heritage, community and individual struggles respected by default. You deserve to never have to defend, apologize for, or hide who and what you are, what your body looks like or what you believe in. [The exception is if any of that is oppressive to others. Whiteness as a construct and white supremacy are not cultures, they are bigotry, hatred and oppression and those things do not deserve respect.]
You deserve complete control over who you associate with. You deserve to cut off communication with anyone if you feel that is the healthiest decision for you. You don’t need to justify that decision to anyone but yourself.
You deserve complete control over what information you choose to disclose to others about your body, your history, and your identities. You can be out if you want, you can be closeted if you want. You don’t owe anyone anything and you’re allowed to withhold any and all information about yourself that you’re uncomfortable sharing or that may put you at risk or in danger. [The exception to this is if withholding information that could have a direct impact on others, for example, not telling a potential sexual partner about your STD status. If it doesn’t affect them, it isn’t any of their business and you deserve to keep it to yourself if you want without fear of retaliation, guilt or shame.]
You are perfect exactly the way you are.
You deserve to survive. No matter how many times you may have fucked up in the past, or how “worthless” this oppressive society may tell you you are, you have infinite value by default, you have the right to choose how to live your life, and you deserve to live and be happy.
(AKA “I should be doing homework but this really needs to be said and I didn’t stick it in my proposal because it felt like whining and I couldn’t find a proper place to put it but this has got to be out there somewhere.”)
It does. It really does.
It starts the very first time you realize you aren’t “normal,” and you turn to your first person and tell then that maybe, you know, if it’d be ok… Maybe they wouldn’t mind calling you Sam instead of Samantha? Or Joan instead of Joe? Or could they just use your initials, maybe? If it’s not too much trouble? And this person (whoever they are) thinks it’s a game. And they laugh, or they snicker, or they ask you why you would do such a thing. Because Joan is a girl name, and you’re not a girl. Why would you want to be one? So you apologize and laugh it off, but inside you’re not smiling.
And it happens again a couple of years later, when you find your way to the internet and make yourself an account in a kiddy forum and say you’re a boy. Your little display picture is a male anime character or another. And you grow to really like this community, until one day someone finds you out for one way or another. Maybe you were careless and let a friend see the site over your shoulder, and they joined. Maybe you started IMing with someone from the forum and they saw your display photo on your IM system, and it’s of a girl. Maybe you decided to go to a meet-up and everyone realizes you were lying. Because of course you are not who you say you are. So you apologize and laugh it off, and say you were just roleplaying. Or it was a joint account with a friend, and they left. Or you clicked the wrong gender when signing up and didn’t realize until people thought you were that gender and you kept it going because it was funny. But of course you can’t go back to the site now.
Again when you start dressing more androgynous, and when someone genders you the way you feel inside, your friends laugh and assure these people that you are not what you look like. That you really do have a dick. Would this stranger want to see it? ‘Cause they’ll pull it out for you if they have to. Hahaha, isn’t it funny that this person thought you were a girl? And you laugh and you apologize to this other person for looking misleading, but inside you are kicking yourself.
And then you come out. Hesitantly at first. You come out to a couple of close friends, and you say you may be genderqueer, and you don’t really know where you stand, but would they mind calling you “they?” And could they just call you Alex, or Cory, or Logan, which are all gender-neutral? And they say that maybe, I mean, it’s really hard, they’ve always known you as Alice and it’s going to be so super-hard to keep those pronouns straight. Hahahaha get it? Straight? Because you’re not straight if you want to be called Alex. You’re obviously gay or bi or something because straight people don’t switch genders. And you say it’s ok and you know it will take time and you don’t correct them even when they misgender you through the years and they call you the wrong thing in front of new friends or in front of your partners. And you apologize for picking such difficult pronouns and for putting them through this and asking them to switch over.
You apologize when you throw the gender ratios off in class and if only you were a girl you could be divided by gender and both groups would have the same amount of people. But, I mean. You don’t mind being with the girls, right? You understand them! Here, ehm, Rob. We promise we still think of you as a guy. But it will be so much easier if you just do us this favor and let us put you in the girls’ group. And you apologize for putting them through this.
You apologize for holding up the line at a gay club because the bouncers are convinced that your ID is a fake. And when you get out at the end of the night and they’re still there, you ask them why they thought it was fake, since it’s brand-spanking-new and you just got it, with the right name and gender, this past month. And they ask you if you’re trans. Oh, you are? Well, that explains it. It just didn’t look right, you know. The font is too thin.
You apologize when you wear a dress and grow your hair out and wear make-up and they still call you Andrew because it’s so hard for them because you will always be “he” to them.
You apologize for going into the right bathroom.
You apologize for mentioning that not all men have deep voices.
You apologize for knowing about periods.
You apologize for having a period.
You apologize for not having a period.
You apologize for being tall.
You apologize for being short.
You apologize for passing.
You apologize for being read.
You apologize for fucking existing and taking up space that you have no right to because you’re a filthy trans person and should just let cis people go ahead and walk all over you.
You apologize for wanting the same rights everybody else has.
And then? Then you have to apologize for not speaking up, because it’s not like cis people could have guessed that you were having issues with housing, or with pronouns, or with the bathroom, or with surgery, or with anything at all. Because you should be both unnoticed and a banner child. Because you should let everybody know you are here in case you make them uncomfortable, or in case they do something that’s fucked up and that screws you over. Because it’s not like you were supposed to see that. If they had only known you were there, they wouldn’t have done it. But oh my gods stop talking you’re always talking about how hard you have it why aren’t you just thankful about the stuff we’ve given you.
So you apologize for being.
wow if you are a friend of mine i would appreciate taking the time to read this
i’m a very apologetic person and all of this is pretty accurate to me
“The word “transgender” is an adjective, and a descriptive word; not a noun or a verb. Just as you wouldn’t call an older person “an old” or say they are “olded”, it is inappropriate to refer to a transgender person as “a transgender” without adding “person”, “woman”, “man”, or any other appropriate noun.”—How to Respect a Transgender Person (via kristt)
The reasons marijuana is illegal are rooted heavily in racist, ableist, and slut-shaming ways of thought, and it simply is impractical to be fighting marijuana in a war on drugs.
Let’s first consider racism: though whites are just as likely to use pot as blacks are, black people are 10x more likely to be arrested for possession. Because in order to arrest someone you have, in most cases, to either invade a space or search someone- and the spaces invaded in search of marijuana are almost always low-income, primarily black spaces. The bodies searched for marijuana are primarily black bodies. Because colored neighborhoods and bodies are the suspicious ones.
Then there is the slut-shaming element- marijuana was labeled even in the 1930s as a drug which caused women to be promiscuous, and the crackdown on pot which happened from the ’60s forward was largely due to a perceived tie between promiscuous people and the drug.
AND THEN there is the ableism that is clear in that disabled people have been recorded as using marijuana for purposes including the treatment of anxiety, depression, and chronic pain since as early as 2700 BC and it is still demonized to the extent that it is impossible for disabled people to have access to it in many parts of the country. Because who really cares if they say it works for them- clearly we non-disabled folks know better.
Add onto that the fact that other countries have legalized marijuana without seeing jumps in crime rates, and that 90% of marijuana cases don’t result in trials (wasting hours of police officers doing paperwork and taxpayers dollars that pay them) and we begin to see demonizing marijuana as not just culturally odd but economically unreasonable.
There is no valid reason I can be jailed for having pot on me but can go to the store and buy alcohol. None.
You are a perfectly acceptable human being right now, this minute. You are just as valid as any other human being, without changing a single thing about yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve yourself, or you can’t do better sometimes, it just means right now this instant, you are worthy of your own self love. Even if it is hard to love yourself sometimes (and boy, is it!), or you’re struggling with some really difficult stuff in your life, you still deserve it.
So dearest you, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and give the best version of you that you can give, but know that even in the tough times, you are still valid, worthy and deserving of your own self love.